Over the past several years, there have been lots of burning questions among those who knew me then and those who know me now and they have always wondered how the "other Bri" could have ever/ever exist(ed). Such recent queries led me to actually type it all out. So, to answer the question of when I came to know God...it was in college.

Most of the reason why I chose Eastern was because no one else was going there. I wanted to get away from high school; I wanted to get away from everyone and everything that was bringing me down. I knew that I wanted something different for my life but I wasn't sure what it was. I just knew that I didn't want to be the girl I had become anymore. I wanted to be in a place where I could basically start over and really discover who I was and what I wanted out of life without worrying about keeping everyone who knew me happy all the time by being who I always was.

In August of 2001, I left for college. I was terrified. I cried hysterically most of the first day I was there. I unpacked my stuff and spent most of my first day of freedom locked in the bathroom sobbing. A couple days went by and I became more social, but something still didn't feel right.

The first Sunday morning I was there I got this stirring feeling throughout my whole body and something inside me was like, 'go to church.' I thought it was ridiculous and tried to go back to sleep. I mean, I had lived the past couple years of my life claiming to be an atheist and believing that if there were a God, I wouldn't have had to be as unhappy as I was.

So I kept waking up over and over again with the same stirring inside me. 'Go to church.' I fought and fought with myself internally and finally I gave in. I wandered over to the large pile of mail that they stuff in your box the first week of school and I looked for one of them talking about a church. I found one that started in a half hour. I gave in and decided to go. I got ready and by myself, completely unsure of what I was doing, I went to church. I went in and sat down by myself. A few people said hi to me but that was pretty much it. I sat through the whole service feeling kind of out of place and in place all at the same time. I listened to the message and studied the words of the songs and I became curious.
"What is the big deal?" I thought to myself. "What do these people know that I don't?"
Being the fervent learner I am, my interest piqued and with really nothing else to lose, I kept going. I went to church on Sundays and I even signed up for a small group Bible study. I went and just kind of played the "quiet girl" role and absorbed information. I had questions and had developed ideas but I didn't know what to do with them. After all, I hadn't really come from a "churchy" background, nor did I know anyone who did. So, I checked a little box on the visitor card they put in the bulletin that said "I would like to know more about what it means to be a Christian."

From there, a girl who was leading my small group Bible study began to meet with me. We met about once a week over dinner and she answered all my questions that I had. We went through a book of the Bible together that explained who Jesus was, what he did, and what it meant for me.

We met for most of my freshman year and deep inside I felt something changing. I began to feel this emptiness that I had always felt being filled. I found out that Jesus had shed his blood so that I could live. I found out that because of his sacrifice, every awful thing I had ever done was washed away and I truly was given a clean slate. I found out that there was more purpose in this life than simply existing from day to day.

I prayed to this new God I had heard of and I asked him to forgive me for all of the things I had been and was. I acknowledged that believing in God and his son's sacrifice was indeed the only way I would ever get to Heaven. I prayed that the void I felt inside would be filled and I could just know peace.

A few weeks later, I was baptized. I made a conscious decision that this was what I wanted for my life. I confessed I was a sinner and that I was not perfect, I believed in my heart and spoke with my mouth that Jesus is Lord and that it was my true heart's desire to follow him in all that I do.

Since then, I can honestly say it has been the greatest decision of my life. In these past few years, I have never been happier, had more hope or felt more at peace in all my life.

Sure, I still have low points but who doesn't? I still have struggles but the major difference is that now...I take them a lot easier. I know that God will never give me more than I can handle and I know that God is in control. I know that when I feel helpless and when I feel like everything else has gone wrong, God hasn't (and won't ever) give up on me.
I look at every new challenge as an opportunity for triumph and each new day as an opportunity to enjoy the beauty that God has created.
I have never felt more whole in my life and that...is a beautiful thing.